Are You Fully Self-Expressed?
It is not always easy to say exactly what you are thinking. You want to, you really want to; and then….there is this big BUT that holds you back. And then, there are those times, when you say exactly what you want to say, and it turns out to be the wrong thing with dire consequences. So what gives?
A lot of things! Among them:
It is very important that what you think, say and do, it’s in complete alignment; otherwise, mayhem will follow.
Remember the times when you wanted to say something witty, meaningful and impacting, only to find yourself saying: “I wished I would have said……”
Then there are times you wish you could take back every word out of your mouth, including pauses, commas and new paragraphs.
What causes you to hold back?
¨ Is it FEAR-based?
¨ Are you afraid of Rejection?
¨ Are you afraid of Approval (Having to live up to higher standards.)
¨ Are you driven by a “deep” need to please other people, including your parents, peers, friends, colleagues, clients?
¨ As an adult, are you still looking for Approval and afraid you may not get it if you say the wrong thing?
What causes you to speak without thinking?
¨ Are you overwhelmed with too much knowledge?
¨ Do you feel a need to just spill the beans no matter the consequences?
¨ Is being judgmental the driving-force behind your outburst?
¨ Will you be “lesser than” if you don’t speak-up now?
¨ Will you be “greater than,” thus fulfilling a sense of self-importance?
¨ Rising awareness of what’s happening will help you do something about it.
¨ Getting clear about the causes will help you identify their roots.
¨ Knowing their roots will help you find balance between aggressive and/or passive thinking, speaking and behavior.
¨ Find knowledge within you that once the issue is identified, it can be changed, transformed, and maintained.
¨ Being assertive is a crucial component to being fully self-expressed.
¨ Know that there are many alternatives to becoming assertive.
¨ Embrace the fact that you are human.
¨ Start the process from where you are, and not from where you wish you could have been.
¨ Start by having strong opinions, no matter what the topic is.
¨ It’s okay for your opinions to even be obnoxious. Own them!
¨ Remember opinions are your perception of facts, and not necessarily the facts; however, have them anyway.
¨ Lose the fear of being wrong!
¨ This will help you build your self-esteem.
¨ Awareness is everything. Write down the symptoms of either holding back, or speaking without thinking, and dissect them.
¨ Identify the real causes. Accept the reality of it.
¨ If it is a psychological problem, talk to a professional.
¨ It could even be a physiological issue that causes you to over-think what you want to say. Talk to your family physician.
¨ Take a course on Assertiveness, join a Toastmaster’s club or hire a coach specialized in helping people being aligned in what they think, say and do. This is crucial.
¨ Do all of the above!
¨ More importantly, be who you are! Both your self-esteem and sense of self-worth will receive a tremendous boost, and you can build from there.
The major component to be fully self-expressed is authenticity and transparency; however, own your thoughts, your opinions and your way of being. It is who you are!
So, tell me, are you fully self-expressed?
Leave your comments below!
Much love and success,
International Coach, Passionista Leader and